Hi! Remember me? Yeah, yeah, I know that I've been MIA for a while, but I'm back and newly resolved to be a better blogger - trying for at least one post a week.
My last blog post (other than the recent celebratory interlude) was tantalizingly titled "Keeping up with the Joneses - part 1." Well, to keep the implicit promise made by that title, here is part 2.
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OK, so this past weekend, Mr. Fabulous and I began a major construction project in honor of the C.T.'s impending birthday - a big ol' wooden playset in the back yard. I'd post a picture of it at this point, but it is still under construction so pictures will have to be posted at a later date.
We've been talking about building a playset in the backyard for quite a while now - ever since we moved into this house two years ago. One of the things I miss about the old house was the swingset we had in the backyard. My niece and nephew loved to play on it when they visited and it was wonderful to be able to just pop out back with the C.T. for a quick swing. Our new home has many things that I love and many improvements over the old house, but I still missed the swingset. So, despite the expense and effort, we bit the bullet and went for it.
Going through the process of discussing what we could afford and whether it was worth it, I started to think some more about money issues and what lessons I wanted to teach the C.T. about money and materialism. Since one of the purposes of this blog is to be a place for me to verbalize my musings about life and parenting, you get to read all about it too! So, here goes:
Meg's thoughts about stuff
1) Stuff is not bad in and of itself. I want the C.T. to know this and to appreciate the fact that Mr. Fabulous and I work hard to be able to buy the stuff that we have. I don't want her to think that you have to feel guilty about that.
2) Stuff should be merely a means to an end - not the goal. At the same time, I think it is important that the C.T. not feel like she has to buy stuff just because she can or just because someone else has it. This will be a harder lesson to teach - because it is hard for me. Whenever I buy something, I have to consciously consider why I'm buying it and what purpose will it serve in the long run.
For example: books. I love books. Books make me happy. I like to read books, and I like to collect books. In the past, I let myself buy pretty much any book I wanted, any time I wanted. I spent a lot of money on books, and they take up a lot of space in my house. Now, before I buy a book I try to decide if it's a book I think I will want to keep and read multiple times, or whether I would be just as happy checking the book out from the library.
On a bigger scale - the playset. I think C.T. will enjoy playing on the playset for a long time to come - and I hope that her future sister will as well. Plus, it will be a good activity for the C.T's friends to play with when they come over. This works toward one of my big, long-term goals, which is to create a friendly, inviting environment so that our house will be a good gathering place for the C.T. and her friends.
3) It's all about choice. The most important thing that I want the C.T. to know is that she will have a lot of choices to make in the future that will affect her ability to buy stuff - choices about careers, hobbies, family, vacations, and so forth. She will have to decide what balance is right for her - whether it is worth it to her to have an 80-hour a week job that enables her to buy a lot of stuff, or whether it is more important to her to be able to stay home more without buying as much stuff. Whether she'd rather take frequent vacations or have a more localized hobby. Every choice she makes will affect the options remaining available to her . Mostly, though, I want her to know that there are really very few wrong choices. The right choices for one person are not necessarily the right choices for someone else. I think that it is most important to make express, conscious choices. Maybe even write them down from time to time. Don't let someone else choose the direction your life should go for you. It is also important to be honest with yourself about the consequences of the choices you make. There's really no benefit to fooling yourself. But most of all, I want her to know that it's OK to change her mind, as long as she is prepared to take the steps necessary to make her new choice happen.
What do you think?
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1 comment:
I think you think too much. I think most mothers think too much.
While there are extremes on either end (totally depriving your child of everything or giving them everything they want and more), most people are never going to reach those extremes.
You will never reach those extremes.
Your kids will spend too much time with school chums, characters in books, news stories, television, movies and their own little heads to allow you to be as big an influence as you fear you are.
In the meantime, they'll absorb something of how you raise them. Probably a lot of how you raise them. And whether they take it as an example or decide to rebel against it... I think you have little power over the ultimate outcome. Lots of influence, little power.
What you hope for, as a parent (says the non-parent) is that you did your best, you provided the tools and your children are comfortable enough to make their own decisions in the end.
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