Hi! Remember me? Yeah, yeah, I know that I've been MIA for a while, but I'm back and newly resolved to be a better blogger - trying for at least one post a week.
My last blog post (other than the recent celebratory interlude) was tantalizingly titled "Keeping up with the Joneses - part 1." Well, to keep the implicit promise made by that title, here is part 2.
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OK, so this past weekend, Mr. Fabulous and I began a major construction project in honor of the C.T.'s impending birthday - a big ol' wooden playset in the back yard. I'd post a picture of it at this point, but it is still under construction so pictures will have to be posted at a later date.
We've been talking about building a playset in the backyard for quite a while now - ever since we moved into this house two years ago. One of the things I miss about the old house was the swingset we had in the backyard. My niece and nephew loved to play on it when they visited and it was wonderful to be able to just pop out back with the C.T. for a quick swing. Our new home has many things that I love and many improvements over the old house, but I still missed the swingset. So, despite the expense and effort, we bit the bullet and went for it.
Going through the process of discussing what we could afford and whether it was worth it, I started to think some more about money issues and what lessons I wanted to teach the C.T. about money and materialism. Since one of the purposes of this blog is to be a place for me to verbalize my musings about life and parenting, you get to read all about it too! So, here goes:
Meg's thoughts about stuff
1) Stuff is not bad in and of itself. I want the C.T. to know this and to appreciate the fact that Mr. Fabulous and I work hard to be able to buy the stuff that we have. I don't want her to think that you have to feel guilty about that.
2) Stuff should be merely a means to an end - not the goal. At the same time, I think it is important that the C.T. not feel like she has to buy stuff just because she can or just because someone else has it. This will be a harder lesson to teach - because it is hard for me. Whenever I buy something, I have to consciously consider why I'm buying it and what purpose will it serve in the long run.
For example: books. I love books. Books make me happy. I like to read books, and I like to collect books. In the past, I let myself buy pretty much any book I wanted, any time I wanted. I spent a lot of money on books, and they take up a lot of space in my house. Now, before I buy a book I try to decide if it's a book I think I will want to keep and read multiple times, or whether I would be just as happy checking the book out from the library.
On a bigger scale - the playset. I think C.T. will enjoy playing on the playset for a long time to come - and I hope that her future sister will as well. Plus, it will be a good activity for the C.T's friends to play with when they come over. This works toward one of my big, long-term goals, which is to create a friendly, inviting environment so that our house will be a good gathering place for the C.T. and her friends.
3) It's all about choice. The most important thing that I want the C.T. to know is that she will have a lot of choices to make in the future that will affect her ability to buy stuff - choices about careers, hobbies, family, vacations, and so forth. She will have to decide what balance is right for her - whether it is worth it to her to have an 80-hour a week job that enables her to buy a lot of stuff, or whether it is more important to her to be able to stay home more without buying as much stuff. Whether she'd rather take frequent vacations or have a more localized hobby. Every choice she makes will affect the options remaining available to her . Mostly, though, I want her to know that there are really very few wrong choices. The right choices for one person are not necessarily the right choices for someone else. I think that it is most important to make express, conscious choices. Maybe even write them down from time to time. Don't let someone else choose the direction your life should go for you. It is also important to be honest with yourself about the consequences of the choices you make. There's really no benefit to fooling yourself. But most of all, I want her to know that it's OK to change her mind, as long as she is prepared to take the steps necessary to make her new choice happen.
What do you think?
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
Friday, July 11, 2008
Three years ago
Three years ago today, we stopped waiting and started living.
Three years ago today, we learned to live with our hearts outside of our bodies.
Three years ago today, we started the most amazing journey of our lives.
Three years ago today, we knew grief and joy, hope and fear, anticipation and trepidation.
Three years ago today, we became a family.
How did it go so fast?
Three years ago today, we learned to live with our hearts outside of our bodies.
Three years ago today, we started the most amazing journey of our lives.
Three years ago today, we knew grief and joy, hope and fear, anticipation and trepidation.
Three years ago today, we became a family.
How did it go so fast?
Friday, May 2, 2008
Keeping up with the Joneses - part 1
American Family and Johnny have both written posts that have really made me think about my beliefs about money and what it means to be “successful” and how I can instill healthy attitudes about financial matters in my daughter.
For the past couple of years, I’ve really been struggling with an unhealthy desire to “keep up with the Joneses.” The desire itself isn’t really a surprise – I know where it comes from. But I still haven’t really figured out how to combat it.
The desire stems, in large part, from my parents and their responses to their parents and childhood circumstances. Let’s start with my mother. She was raised in a fairly liberal upper-middle class family. My grandfather was a chemical engineer and my grandmother was a teacher – a working mother and a feminist in a time when both of those things were very unpopular. I believe that my grandmother’s primary mission as a parent was to raise independent, educated, and strong daughters – which she did in spades. My mother got her bachelor’s degree, her master’s degree, and her law degree – all before the age of 25, and all while raising two small children. While in law school, she met my step-father. He had been raised in a single-parent household on the stereotypical “wrong side of the tracks.” While going through the “rich” neighborhoods with the big houses, he made a conscious decision that he would do what was necessary to make enough money to live like that. So, he essentially pulled himself up by his bootstraps and put himself through law school while he was in the military.
While I was growing up, my parents consciously decided to by the biggest and most expensive houses they could afford – a theory that ultimately led them to buy a house after my brother and I both graduated from college that was twice the size of the one we lived in while we were in high school. In addition, my mother had the express goal of raising me to be a successful, educated, and strong woman. She decided (and told me several times) that a good way to do that would be to teach me to appreciate the finer things in life, believing that if I wanted expensive things, I would be sure to finish my education and get a job that would enable me to pay for those things. And if I did that, then I would be successful.
As a result of my stepfather’s desire for big houses and my mother’s desire for expensive things, it is no surprise that I grew up equating stuff with success. This belief was compounded by my reaction to my father – who, for most of my life, I regarded as the epitome of what not to do. He was raised in a blue collar, factory worker household and was thrifty (or cheap, depending on your perspective) to a fault. Everything in his apartment (for most of my childhood, he lived in apartments rather than buying a house) was bargain basement or used. Despite the fact that he had a very good job as a computer engineer, he either never wanted anything new or never could bring himself to spend money on anything new.
To be continued.
For the past couple of years, I’ve really been struggling with an unhealthy desire to “keep up with the Joneses.” The desire itself isn’t really a surprise – I know where it comes from. But I still haven’t really figured out how to combat it.
The desire stems, in large part, from my parents and their responses to their parents and childhood circumstances. Let’s start with my mother. She was raised in a fairly liberal upper-middle class family. My grandfather was a chemical engineer and my grandmother was a teacher – a working mother and a feminist in a time when both of those things were very unpopular. I believe that my grandmother’s primary mission as a parent was to raise independent, educated, and strong daughters – which she did in spades. My mother got her bachelor’s degree, her master’s degree, and her law degree – all before the age of 25, and all while raising two small children. While in law school, she met my step-father. He had been raised in a single-parent household on the stereotypical “wrong side of the tracks.” While going through the “rich” neighborhoods with the big houses, he made a conscious decision that he would do what was necessary to make enough money to live like that. So, he essentially pulled himself up by his bootstraps and put himself through law school while he was in the military.
While I was growing up, my parents consciously decided to by the biggest and most expensive houses they could afford – a theory that ultimately led them to buy a house after my brother and I both graduated from college that was twice the size of the one we lived in while we were in high school. In addition, my mother had the express goal of raising me to be a successful, educated, and strong woman. She decided (and told me several times) that a good way to do that would be to teach me to appreciate the finer things in life, believing that if I wanted expensive things, I would be sure to finish my education and get a job that would enable me to pay for those things. And if I did that, then I would be successful.
As a result of my stepfather’s desire for big houses and my mother’s desire for expensive things, it is no surprise that I grew up equating stuff with success. This belief was compounded by my reaction to my father – who, for most of my life, I regarded as the epitome of what not to do. He was raised in a blue collar, factory worker household and was thrifty (or cheap, depending on your perspective) to a fault. Everything in his apartment (for most of my childhood, he lived in apartments rather than buying a house) was bargain basement or used. Despite the fact that he had a very good job as a computer engineer, he either never wanted anything new or never could bring himself to spend money on anything new.
To be continued.
Saturday, April 19, 2008
Instant karma
Did you ever say something one day that came back to bite you right away? On Friday, Mr. Fabulous took the day off from work and took the C.T. to the zoo. She hasn’t had an accident in a while, but I still pack spare outfits just in case. Mr. Fabulous called me en route to the zoo and mentioned that he had packed spare underwear for the C.T., but no other clothes. I laughed, and said that if the C.T. needed a change of underwear, she would need a change of pants as well – that she couldn’t possibly have an accident that required only new underwear.
Fast forward to Friday night. We went to see my nephew’s middle school production of Oliver (in which he played Oliver, and did very well indeed – good job A!). During intermission, I took the C.T. to the bathroom. She sat on the toilet and managed to keep her legs so tightly together that the pee went down her legs and, you guessed it, soaked her underwear while leaving her pants completely dry. Fortunately my aunt was a couple of stalls over, so I was able to get her to have Mr. Fabulous get the spare underwear that he had so fortuitously packed out of the car and bring it to us. As I waited in the middle of the packed bathroom trying to keep my half-naked preschooler from running out into the halls and streaking through the theater, one very kind woman passed by, patted me on the shoulder, and said “Don’t worry – in a couple of years you’ll laugh about this” Little did she know that I already was.
Fast forward to Friday night. We went to see my nephew’s middle school production of Oliver (in which he played Oliver, and did very well indeed – good job A!). During intermission, I took the C.T. to the bathroom. She sat on the toilet and managed to keep her legs so tightly together that the pee went down her legs and, you guessed it, soaked her underwear while leaving her pants completely dry. Fortunately my aunt was a couple of stalls over, so I was able to get her to have Mr. Fabulous get the spare underwear that he had so fortuitously packed out of the car and bring it to us. As I waited in the middle of the packed bathroom trying to keep my half-naked preschooler from running out into the halls and streaking through the theater, one very kind woman passed by, patted me on the shoulder, and said “Don’t worry – in a couple of years you’ll laugh about this” Little did she know that I already was.
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Happy days are here again!
I love living in Colorado. Yes, it can be cold and snowy one day. But the next it will be gorgeous and sunny and WARM! It was warm enough yesterday and today to let the C.T. wear her new sundresses to school, which pleased her convinced-she-is-a-princess-just-call-her-Jasmine self to bits. And . . . IT'S APRIL 15 TODAY!!!!! I get my husband back! The C.T. gets her dad back! The agony that is tax season is over for another year! HURRAH!!!
Now we get to decide on summer projects for the house. Mr. Fabulous loves trees, and thinks our yard is pretty bare, so I'm sure there will be some tree planting going on. My top priority summer project is painting the family room. I've been planning on doing it ever since we moved into this house two years ago. But it's got really high ceilings and stairs with really high ceilings. The high walls by themselves don't faze me - I'm OK with ladders. But . . . the high wall that goes along the stairway has been very perplexing. I'm going to have to do serious research about the kind of scaffolding or special ladder we will need to do the two-story wall along the stairs.
Of course, the other big obstacle to painting the room is color choice. I'm indecisive enough when it comes to paint colors - but usually I can tell myself that if I don't like the paint color, we can paint over it. It doesn't help that (1) the room will be such a huge pain to paint that I will probably never want to paint it again and (2) this room literally leads into almost every other room in the house (it's a pretty open floor plan) and will have to coordinate with many of them. So, I'm thinking of being timid and just going for plain white. That will give us the most options for decorating and coordinating. I don't know. Mostly I just want to get rid of the yellow, which is one of my least favorite colors.
Now we get to decide on summer projects for the house. Mr. Fabulous loves trees, and thinks our yard is pretty bare, so I'm sure there will be some tree planting going on. My top priority summer project is painting the family room. I've been planning on doing it ever since we moved into this house two years ago. But it's got really high ceilings and stairs with really high ceilings. The high walls by themselves don't faze me - I'm OK with ladders. But . . . the high wall that goes along the stairway has been very perplexing. I'm going to have to do serious research about the kind of scaffolding or special ladder we will need to do the two-story wall along the stairs.
Of course, the other big obstacle to painting the room is color choice. I'm indecisive enough when it comes to paint colors - but usually I can tell myself that if I don't like the paint color, we can paint over it. It doesn't help that (1) the room will be such a huge pain to paint that I will probably never want to paint it again and (2) this room literally leads into almost every other room in the house (it's a pretty open floor plan) and will have to coordinate with many of them. So, I'm thinking of being timid and just going for plain white. That will give us the most options for decorating and coordinating. I don't know. Mostly I just want to get rid of the yellow, which is one of my least favorite colors.
Friday, April 11, 2008
Things on my mind
- I'm tired of the cold. I'm tired of the snow (even though we haven't gotten that much of it this year). It's supposed to be spring!
- I'm so happy that Battlestar Galactica is back on! It's been way too long. And So You Think You Can Dance starts next month. Now if they would just bring back Friday Night Lights, my TV bliss would be complete.
- I wish my camera had been handy a couple of days ago when the C.T. grabbed the piece of tin foil I had just taken off of the enchiladas we were having for dinner, put it on her head, and proceeded to dance around the kitchen calling it a hat. Prime blackmail material for later years, if I had just thought to capture the moment. Hmmmm . . . maybe I can get her to do it again.
- Maybe I'll be able to think longer thoughts tomorrow.
Goodnight!
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
It's the final countdown!
One week and counting until tax day. This past weekend was made more difficult by the fact that the C.T. had a nasty cold. It first manifested on Friday, when Mr. Fabulous picked her up at daycare. She had a runny nose, was flushed, hot to the touch (a 102 temperature it turned out later), and half asleep on a bean bag chair grumping at any of her classmates who wanted to play with her. When Mr. Fabulous asked the afternoon teacher if she had called me, she said no - it was probably just hayfever. WTF?!?!??! Needless to say, I have since complained to the powers that be about this teacher's lack of attention to the SICK CHILD in her care.
The worst was Saturday night, when her fever spiked to 103.5, she was crying uncontrollably, complaining of pain in her ears, her head, her back, and her tummy. When she vomitted and started to complain that she felt like she was falling every time she stood up, I decided a trip to urgent care was in order. Four hours we spent there - from 7:00 pm to 11:00 pm. They poked and prodded, took tests, dug two slugs of earwax the size of beetles out of her ears (NOT a pleasant experience for anyone involved) so they could determine whether she had an ear infection or not. And after all that, she got two popsicles and a piece of paper that basically said "we have examined your child and determined that she has a cold. Have a nice day!"
Sigh. I had already planned on taking Monday off for a mother-daugher bonding day. I just didn't expect that it would all take place on the sofa watching one Disney movie after another. Mulan. Mulan 2. Madeline. Jungle Book. Strawberry Shortcake. Mary Poppins. Please kill me now!
Fortunately, she has since completely recovered from the fevers. Alas, she has yet to recuperate from the relapse to normal TV viewing restrictions. With constant monitoring, however, the prognosis looks good.
The worst was Saturday night, when her fever spiked to 103.5, she was crying uncontrollably, complaining of pain in her ears, her head, her back, and her tummy. When she vomitted and started to complain that she felt like she was falling every time she stood up, I decided a trip to urgent care was in order. Four hours we spent there - from 7:00 pm to 11:00 pm. They poked and prodded, took tests, dug two slugs of earwax the size of beetles out of her ears (NOT a pleasant experience for anyone involved) so they could determine whether she had an ear infection or not. And after all that, she got two popsicles and a piece of paper that basically said "we have examined your child and determined that she has a cold. Have a nice day!"
Sigh. I had already planned on taking Monday off for a mother-daugher bonding day. I just didn't expect that it would all take place on the sofa watching one Disney movie after another. Mulan. Mulan 2. Madeline. Jungle Book. Strawberry Shortcake. Mary Poppins. Please kill me now!
Fortunately, she has since completely recovered from the fevers. Alas, she has yet to recuperate from the relapse to normal TV viewing restrictions. With constant monitoring, however, the prognosis looks good.
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