You know, there are so many things that I thought I knew before but that I really didn’t understand at a deep core level until I became a parent. One of these things was the miracle of instantaneous family that comes with a new baby. When I was young and single, I had a friend, C, who had a new baby. One of the things that C told me was that she was just amazed by the fact that her baby was this whole new person that didn’t exist a year before and that when she took her baby home to meet her family, there was no question but that the baby would be accepted and loved. Unlike a boyfriend or a new husband that you bring home to be inspected and approved, a baby was instantaneously and irrevocably part of the family without question. At the time, I thought to myself “duh, of course. That’s just the way it works – not really amazing, it just is.”
And then my nephew A was born, and I thought “aha! Now I know what C was talking about.” There was this whole new person I knew nothing about – I didn’t know his personality, his likes or dislikes, or anything about him as a person. I just knew he was my nephew, and that was enough for me to love him. Fast forward several years to when we brought the Cutest Thing home from China, and then I really understood. Here was a child, born half way around the world in a place I didn’t know to people I didn’t know who had been loved and cared for by other people I didn’t know. One day, all we knew about her was contained in a few sheets of paper and a couple of pictures - and the next day she was family. I had done my share of reading about attachment, and I knew that it would take time – both for her to attach to us, and for us to attach to her. And it did. But what I didn’t expect was the seismic shift in my own heart just because of the simple act of signing a piece of paper and agreeing to be her mother. We didn’t know her yet, we weren’t attached to her yet, and she certainly wasn’t attached to us yet – but we were family. And that was enough.
Another thing I didn’t really get before was the joy of watching a child sleep. The C.T. has been getting up in the middle of the night and coming into our bed with great regularity recently, which has created some sleep issues for me – but also some great opportunities to just sit and watch her sleep. I could do it for hours. Well – maybe not hours, but a long time, certainly. And then this morning, as I watched her sleep, she started giggling in her sleep. It was one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever seen. I wish I could know what she was thinking, what she was dreaming about. But of course, I can’t. And I was just struck with awe once more that we were entrusted with this wonderful, amazing, innocent child and that we are responsible for caring for her and protecting her and giving her the knowledge and skills that she will need as an adult. I worry about the mistakes I have made and that I know I will make in the future. But we are none of us perfect. All I can do is read, think, pray, and do my best to give her what she needs and deserves. Because we are family. And I hope it is enough.
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
Monday, December 10, 2007
Week 2 of the Christmas extravaganza.
Ok, maybe I need to take a day or two off (even though I can’t really afford to use the vacation time) in December this year. I honestly have no idea when I’m going to finish the Christmas shopping and if weekends continue at this pace I’ll be completely gone by January. However exhausting, the weekend was still fun.
I started off Saturday morning with the three hour pre-performance choir rehearsal for the Gloria – great fun, and SOOOOOO much better than the Wednesday night rehearsal. I actually began to have hope that we wouldn’t completely embarrass ourselves on Sunday. Mr. Fabulous took the Cutest Thing to Chinese School in the morning, followed by a visit to his office and lunch with his partner and her family. They got home just in time for me to bundle the C.T. in the car for a quick car nap on the way to go to see Disney’s Princesses on Ice. Oh, my word. I’ve never seen so many little princesses in training in one place in my life. It was amazing. The C.T. adored it.
While we were there, I learned a very valuable lesson about consumerism. I planned to buy the C.T. a little gadget or trinket, assuming that she’d be completely gaga over all of the princess paraphernalia for sale at the arena. And you know what – she wasn’t! She was delighted to be wearing her princess dress, overjoyed to see her friends and watch the ice skating – but all she really wanted to buy was a snack. And the surprising thing was that I was a little disappointed that she didn’t want a new gizmo. I think I tried too hard to not do what my brother did when we took my niece and nephew to the circus a couple of years ago. There was a particular toy my niece wanted that my brother refused to buy her. He chose to buy a different toy that would last longer, even though it wasn’t what she wanted. I remember my niece's disappointment, and I remember thinking that I would let my children choose the souvenirs that we would buy (as long as they were within the price range I had set for myself) because choosing which cheap plastic toy you want to take home is part of the fun of going to a big event. So, during the break, I was all ready to go out and wander the concessions stands in search of the perfect toy that would bring sparkles to her eyes - even though she was already pleased as punch with the whole event and even though all she wanted to do was sit and watch the zamboni driver. Fortunately, common sense kicked in, and I realized that there was absolutely no point to buying something just for the sake of buying it. So we sat and watched the zamboni and had a fabulous time.
The rest of the weekend was filled with snow, another party, two performances of the Gloria (which went pretty darn well), sledding in the open space behind our house, hot chocolate, and a failed attempt to put up the Christmas tree after having lost the directions last year. A thoroughly satisfying December weekend. Can I go to sleep now?
I started off Saturday morning with the three hour pre-performance choir rehearsal for the Gloria – great fun, and SOOOOOO much better than the Wednesday night rehearsal. I actually began to have hope that we wouldn’t completely embarrass ourselves on Sunday. Mr. Fabulous took the Cutest Thing to Chinese School in the morning, followed by a visit to his office and lunch with his partner and her family. They got home just in time for me to bundle the C.T. in the car for a quick car nap on the way to go to see Disney’s Princesses on Ice. Oh, my word. I’ve never seen so many little princesses in training in one place in my life. It was amazing. The C.T. adored it.
While we were there, I learned a very valuable lesson about consumerism. I planned to buy the C.T. a little gadget or trinket, assuming that she’d be completely gaga over all of the princess paraphernalia for sale at the arena. And you know what – she wasn’t! She was delighted to be wearing her princess dress, overjoyed to see her friends and watch the ice skating – but all she really wanted to buy was a snack. And the surprising thing was that I was a little disappointed that she didn’t want a new gizmo. I think I tried too hard to not do what my brother did when we took my niece and nephew to the circus a couple of years ago. There was a particular toy my niece wanted that my brother refused to buy her. He chose to buy a different toy that would last longer, even though it wasn’t what she wanted. I remember my niece's disappointment, and I remember thinking that I would let my children choose the souvenirs that we would buy (as long as they were within the price range I had set for myself) because choosing which cheap plastic toy you want to take home is part of the fun of going to a big event. So, during the break, I was all ready to go out and wander the concessions stands in search of the perfect toy that would bring sparkles to her eyes - even though she was already pleased as punch with the whole event and even though all she wanted to do was sit and watch the zamboni driver. Fortunately, common sense kicked in, and I realized that there was absolutely no point to buying something just for the sake of buying it. So we sat and watched the zamboni and had a fabulous time.
The rest of the weekend was filled with snow, another party, two performances of the Gloria (which went pretty darn well), sledding in the open space behind our house, hot chocolate, and a failed attempt to put up the Christmas tree after having lost the directions last year. A thoroughly satisfying December weekend. Can I go to sleep now?
Friday, December 7, 2007
Hooray!
Is it wrong that I am doing a little happy dance today because the Cutest Thing chose to bring a book to daycare for show and tell today rather than the Cinderella doll she got at the Christmas party last weekend? Yeah for books!
Monday, December 3, 2007
Holiday happenings
If this last weekend is what the rest of December is going to be like, all I can say is bring it on - I had FUN!
We started off with the birthday dinner Friday night with the unexpected bonus guests of my aunt (who never tells me when she is going to be in town) and cousin. This led to the unexpected bonus gift of a Le Crueset Dutch Oven - which I have long lusted after. Score!
Saturday started with Chinese school for the Cutest Thing and an unexpected gift shopping opportunity for me. Followed by the receipt of the latest Cooks Illustrated magazine featuring no fewer than four delicious sounding recipes requiring, you guessed it, a dutch oven. (See the unexpected bonus gift described above). Then we had some fun family Christmas decorating, followed by a Christmas party with my mom's group - a lovely group of women (and their husbands - but they don't come to half of the stuff we do) who all have daughters adopted from China - four of whom were in our travel group in 2005. The crafty mom presented us all with her second annual DVD compilation of pictures from our various dinners / playdates / get togethers / events throughout the year. It's so much fun to see the girls grow together - and I don't think there was a dry eye in the house.
And then on Sunday we got to go to a professional basketball game with the CT's whole daycare class and their families, courtesy of the dad of one of the kids who is the manager or agent or something like that for one of the players. We took up three rows, and the kids had the best time climbing over the seats to visit each other and eating junk food and cheering and dancing and waving the car flags we had gotten at the door. At first, the CT was unsure about the whole thing - it was too loud and bright and overwhelming for her. But after we sat in our seats for a few minutes and she got her bearings, she began to have fun. I got to talk to some of the other parents, and realized that I had somehow missed out on the creation of a group email list. Apparently they all get together every couple of weeks or so. I gave them my email address to add to the list - but am a little ambivalent about it. On the one hand - they all seem like really nice people and I know that the kids all like each other. On the other hand, between work and church/choir and family and my mom's group and my book club, my schedule is pretty full. Oh well - as they say, there is plenty of time to sleep when you are dead. Right?
We started off with the birthday dinner Friday night with the unexpected bonus guests of my aunt (who never tells me when she is going to be in town) and cousin. This led to the unexpected bonus gift of a Le Crueset Dutch Oven - which I have long lusted after. Score!
Saturday started with Chinese school for the Cutest Thing and an unexpected gift shopping opportunity for me. Followed by the receipt of the latest Cooks Illustrated magazine featuring no fewer than four delicious sounding recipes requiring, you guessed it, a dutch oven. (See the unexpected bonus gift described above). Then we had some fun family Christmas decorating, followed by a Christmas party with my mom's group - a lovely group of women (and their husbands - but they don't come to half of the stuff we do) who all have daughters adopted from China - four of whom were in our travel group in 2005. The crafty mom presented us all with her second annual DVD compilation of pictures from our various dinners / playdates / get togethers / events throughout the year. It's so much fun to see the girls grow together - and I don't think there was a dry eye in the house.
And then on Sunday we got to go to a professional basketball game with the CT's whole daycare class and their families, courtesy of the dad of one of the kids who is the manager or agent or something like that for one of the players. We took up three rows, and the kids had the best time climbing over the seats to visit each other and eating junk food and cheering and dancing and waving the car flags we had gotten at the door. At first, the CT was unsure about the whole thing - it was too loud and bright and overwhelming for her. But after we sat in our seats for a few minutes and she got her bearings, she began to have fun. I got to talk to some of the other parents, and realized that I had somehow missed out on the creation of a group email list. Apparently they all get together every couple of weeks or so. I gave them my email address to add to the list - but am a little ambivalent about it. On the one hand - they all seem like really nice people and I know that the kids all like each other. On the other hand, between work and church/choir and family and my mom's group and my book club, my schedule is pretty full. Oh well - as they say, there is plenty of time to sleep when you are dead. Right?
Friday, November 30, 2007
40
And so a new decade begins. I think my funk yesterday was useful – it made me think about my life, what I’m happy with, and what I would like to change. Good things to be thinking about when you hit one of those milestone moments in your life. Reflecting on how much my life has changed for the better in the last ten years helped to lift me out of the funk a little, and I started a list of what I want to do with the next year and ten years of my life.
First, in the future, I am going to plan on taking at least a week off of work during December each year. Not all at once – just individual days here and there to give me the time to do the things I love to do during the holidays without trying to crowd them all into the already busy weekends. I think that will reduce the holiday stress and bring my enjoyment of the holidays back to where it was ten years ago.
Second, I am going to try to forget the paperwork that is sitting in China and just try to enjoy my family as it is now. I’ve been able to do that for the most part – but every now and again I need a reminder.
Third, I am going to try to explicitly tell people things more rather than either assuming that they can read my mind. This is probably the hardest of my resolutions because I tend to keep things internalized a lot. And I know I do that out of fear – fear of rejection, fear of indifference, fear of ridicule. But the truth of the matter is that silence does not foster relationships – it kills them slowly. And because I am afraid of saying things out loud –good or bad, my relationships with friends and family are at risk of withering on the vine. I cannot be afraid to tell people I love them. And the fact that I’m sitting here crying as I write this tells me that this will be both difficult and necessary. I know that I am better at this than I was ten years ago – but it is a struggle that I must continue.
And on that cheery note, I will conclude. Happy birthday to me!
First, in the future, I am going to plan on taking at least a week off of work during December each year. Not all at once – just individual days here and there to give me the time to do the things I love to do during the holidays without trying to crowd them all into the already busy weekends. I think that will reduce the holiday stress and bring my enjoyment of the holidays back to where it was ten years ago.
Second, I am going to try to forget the paperwork that is sitting in China and just try to enjoy my family as it is now. I’ve been able to do that for the most part – but every now and again I need a reminder.
Third, I am going to try to explicitly tell people things more rather than either assuming that they can read my mind. This is probably the hardest of my resolutions because I tend to keep things internalized a lot. And I know I do that out of fear – fear of rejection, fear of indifference, fear of ridicule. But the truth of the matter is that silence does not foster relationships – it kills them slowly. And because I am afraid of saying things out loud –good or bad, my relationships with friends and family are at risk of withering on the vine. I cannot be afraid to tell people I love them. And the fact that I’m sitting here crying as I write this tells me that this will be both difficult and necessary. I know that I am better at this than I was ten years ago – but it is a struggle that I must continue.
And on that cheery note, I will conclude. Happy birthday to me!
Thursday, November 29, 2007
In a funk
For some reason, I've been in a funk all morning long. It could have something to do with the fact that today is the last day of my thirties - but I don't think so. When I think back and compare my life now with my life ten years ago, I know that so many things are incredibly better now than they were then.
Then, I was living in tiny apartment in a big city that had lost its glamour for me - alone and away from my family. Now, I'm living in a house with a yard in the city of my youth, near all my family and many old and new friends.
Then, I was in a high pressure, highly paid job that was challenging intellectually but that took all of my time and I felt unsatisfied because I was helping rich people do things I didn't really agree with. Now, I am in a medium pressure, medium paid job that is challenging intellectually but that leaves me some free time and enables me to believe that I am actually doing good things that help the community as a whole.
Then, I had just come out of a destructive relationship with a major jerk. Now, I'm in a happy marriage with Mr. Fabulous and have the most amazing daughter anyone could ever ask for.
No - I think my funk has more to do with the holiday season. That is one thing that has not gotten better over the years. Back when I was thirty and single, the holidays were very low stress. I flew home and spent Thanksgiving and my birthday with my family. Mom cooked nonstop and I partied like it was 1999. For Christmas, I went to one party (my office party). I didn't send Christmas cards. I always took a week vacation, flew home, and spent one madcap day at the mall with my nice annual bonus. The Christmas traditions were long established and unquestioned and comfortable.
Now - the whole season has changed. All of the good things in my life have conspired to create chaos. The holidays have to be doled out and rationed between in-laws and my family. Old traditions have to be rethought and renegotiated each year. I have new and old friends - and as a result have three Christmas parties to go to (including Mr. Fabulous's office party but not including my office party which, thankfully, is during working hours). Everyone wants to know about the little one, so Christmas cards are a priority. (Not that I've managed to get them out each year - or even most years. But it's on the radar screen and a stress factor.) This year my birthday is nowhere near Thanksgiving, so it feels a little bit lost in all the rush. There's no time to do a party - we're just going out for dinner. Which was at my request, but still feels a little anticlimactic. And finally, because I'm in the early stages of the new job, I'm accumulating vacation at a glacial pace. What's more, I'm not taking the vacation that I have accrued because I'm saving it for maternity leave for the time that the CCAA finally gets to our LID and we are able to adopt again. Of course, at the rate the CCAA has been making matches lately, I'm starting to think that day may never come.
I know it sounds like I'm complaining - and maybe I am a little - but I do know that everything stressful about the holiday season is either (A) because of other things in my life that are wonderful and that I wouldn't give up for the world or (B) due to things in my life that are changing and that will change in the future and give me a little breathing room. But the fact remains that I am in a funk this morning. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.
Then, I was living in tiny apartment in a big city that had lost its glamour for me - alone and away from my family. Now, I'm living in a house with a yard in the city of my youth, near all my family and many old and new friends.
Then, I was in a high pressure, highly paid job that was challenging intellectually but that took all of my time and I felt unsatisfied because I was helping rich people do things I didn't really agree with. Now, I am in a medium pressure, medium paid job that is challenging intellectually but that leaves me some free time and enables me to believe that I am actually doing good things that help the community as a whole.
Then, I had just come out of a destructive relationship with a major jerk. Now, I'm in a happy marriage with Mr. Fabulous and have the most amazing daughter anyone could ever ask for.
No - I think my funk has more to do with the holiday season. That is one thing that has not gotten better over the years. Back when I was thirty and single, the holidays were very low stress. I flew home and spent Thanksgiving and my birthday with my family. Mom cooked nonstop and I partied like it was 1999. For Christmas, I went to one party (my office party). I didn't send Christmas cards. I always took a week vacation, flew home, and spent one madcap day at the mall with my nice annual bonus. The Christmas traditions were long established and unquestioned and comfortable.
Now - the whole season has changed. All of the good things in my life have conspired to create chaos. The holidays have to be doled out and rationed between in-laws and my family. Old traditions have to be rethought and renegotiated each year. I have new and old friends - and as a result have three Christmas parties to go to (including Mr. Fabulous's office party but not including my office party which, thankfully, is during working hours). Everyone wants to know about the little one, so Christmas cards are a priority. (Not that I've managed to get them out each year - or even most years. But it's on the radar screen and a stress factor.) This year my birthday is nowhere near Thanksgiving, so it feels a little bit lost in all the rush. There's no time to do a party - we're just going out for dinner. Which was at my request, but still feels a little anticlimactic. And finally, because I'm in the early stages of the new job, I'm accumulating vacation at a glacial pace. What's more, I'm not taking the vacation that I have accrued because I'm saving it for maternity leave for the time that the CCAA finally gets to our LID and we are able to adopt again. Of course, at the rate the CCAA has been making matches lately, I'm starting to think that day may never come.
I know it sounds like I'm complaining - and maybe I am a little - but I do know that everything stressful about the holiday season is either (A) because of other things in my life that are wonderful and that I wouldn't give up for the world or (B) due to things in my life that are changing and that will change in the future and give me a little breathing room. But the fact remains that I am in a funk this morning. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
I am unobservant
I have decided I must be one of the most unobservant people in the world. This should not come as a huge surprise to anyone who knows me. I have perpetual tunnel vision - I get caught up in the “zone” of whatever I am doing and the rest of the world could come crashing down around me and I wouldn’t notice. Because of this I am afraid to read a book to myself while my daughter is awake. I fear that while I am lost in my book, she will find something in the house that wasn’t completely child proofed and kill herself.
You should know that there is a precedent in my life that justifies this fear. When I was about two years old my mother left me in the charge of my diabetic father and my 13-year old cousin. When she came back a while later, I was in the fireplace getting soot and ashes all over the place while my father was unconscious in the kitchen after having an insulin reaction. And my cousin? She was reading the whole time and hadn’t noticed a thing.
So today, I noticed for the first time that the leaves on the tree outside of my office window had turned yellow. Not just some of the leaves and not just a little yellow-ish. All of them. Completely yellow. And I never noticed that they were starting to turn even though I have only been in this office a couple of months and even though each day I gaze out the window and sigh with happiness about the fact that I finally have a window office.
Sigh.
You should know that there is a precedent in my life that justifies this fear. When I was about two years old my mother left me in the charge of my diabetic father and my 13-year old cousin. When she came back a while later, I was in the fireplace getting soot and ashes all over the place while my father was unconscious in the kitchen after having an insulin reaction. And my cousin? She was reading the whole time and hadn’t noticed a thing.
So today, I noticed for the first time that the leaves on the tree outside of my office window had turned yellow. Not just some of the leaves and not just a little yellow-ish. All of them. Completely yellow. And I never noticed that they were starting to turn even though I have only been in this office a couple of months and even though each day I gaze out the window and sigh with happiness about the fact that I finally have a window office.
Sigh.
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
Planning = GOOD
So, yesterday was one of those delightful government holidays that mean I get the day off of work even though there are none of the expectations that come with a real “holiday.” I love those days. I get a day to bum around and hang out with the Cutest Thing and it’s generally pretty fun. Yesterday, however, was less fun than normal because of my lack of planning. Sigh.
I had envisioned a mommy –daughter day starting with a haircut for the C.T. at the local kiddie salon, followed by a field trip to the local toy emporium to wander about and start to make a wishlist for Christmas, then some time wandering through the mall to look at the (really much to early, but I’m starting to get used to it) holiday decorations and a nice lunch. All of this was to be accomplished in time to go home for the normal nap time so as to cause the least interference possible with her normal schedule.
All would have been fine, except for the fact that I neglected to make an appointment at the kiddie salon near the mall. I’ve never had a problem with just dropping into the one by our house, so I figured it shouldn’t be a problem, right? WRONG! First of all, after driving a half an hour to get to the mall, I spent another half an hour tooling around the surrounding area trying the find the [expletive deleted] salon because I had never been there before and the streets around the mall are so twisty and messed up that just having an address isn’t enough. Plus which, it was about a mile down the road and on the other side of the freeway from where the mapping website said it was. Further, even though I tried calling four times as I was driving around, nobody answered the phone and the voice mail message did not give directions.
Then, once we finally found the place, it turns out they were booked solid all day long. They kindly asked if they could call some of the other locations to get me in, and without thinking, I said sure – I’d be able to go to the one right by my house. Lo and behold, that one can get us in right away. So, we jump back into the car and drive the half hour back to our neighborhood. Needless to say, by this time the C.T. is getting a bit antsy and tired of being in the car. I promise her candy after the haircut, which stems the tide of the impending toddler tantrum a little. Of course, while we are driving there it occurs to me that it would have been smarter to ask for an after-nap appointment so we could do the rest of our mall-centered bonding that morning. But it was too late for second thoughts, so I drove on.
Fortunately, after that, the day went smoothly. The haircut turned out well. The promised lollipop was a hit, and the rest of the (shortened) mall bonding morning went well. Of course, we could have skipped the trip to the toy store because there were absolutely no surprises about which toys she gravitated toward. Anything with princesses, ponies, or anything that was pink or purple. Sigh. The “p” years are upon us with a vengeance.
So, today I am back at work. I’m sure there could be some great philosophical lesson beyond proper planning for yesterday, but my brain hurts from thinking about how much gas I must have burned driving back and forth, and so I can’t think of it now. Maybe tomorrow.
I had envisioned a mommy –daughter day starting with a haircut for the C.T. at the local kiddie salon, followed by a field trip to the local toy emporium to wander about and start to make a wishlist for Christmas, then some time wandering through the mall to look at the (really much to early, but I’m starting to get used to it) holiday decorations and a nice lunch. All of this was to be accomplished in time to go home for the normal nap time so as to cause the least interference possible with her normal schedule.
All would have been fine, except for the fact that I neglected to make an appointment at the kiddie salon near the mall. I’ve never had a problem with just dropping into the one by our house, so I figured it shouldn’t be a problem, right? WRONG! First of all, after driving a half an hour to get to the mall, I spent another half an hour tooling around the surrounding area trying the find the [expletive deleted] salon because I had never been there before and the streets around the mall are so twisty and messed up that just having an address isn’t enough. Plus which, it was about a mile down the road and on the other side of the freeway from where the mapping website said it was. Further, even though I tried calling four times as I was driving around, nobody answered the phone and the voice mail message did not give directions.
Then, once we finally found the place, it turns out they were booked solid all day long. They kindly asked if they could call some of the other locations to get me in, and without thinking, I said sure – I’d be able to go to the one right by my house. Lo and behold, that one can get us in right away. So, we jump back into the car and drive the half hour back to our neighborhood. Needless to say, by this time the C.T. is getting a bit antsy and tired of being in the car. I promise her candy after the haircut, which stems the tide of the impending toddler tantrum a little. Of course, while we are driving there it occurs to me that it would have been smarter to ask for an after-nap appointment so we could do the rest of our mall-centered bonding that morning. But it was too late for second thoughts, so I drove on.
Fortunately, after that, the day went smoothly. The haircut turned out well. The promised lollipop was a hit, and the rest of the (shortened) mall bonding morning went well. Of course, we could have skipped the trip to the toy store because there were absolutely no surprises about which toys she gravitated toward. Anything with princesses, ponies, or anything that was pink or purple. Sigh. The “p” years are upon us with a vengeance.
So, today I am back at work. I’m sure there could be some great philosophical lesson beyond proper planning for yesterday, but my brain hurts from thinking about how much gas I must have burned driving back and forth, and so I can’t think of it now. Maybe tomorrow.
Wednesday, November 7, 2007
Peer pressure - good, bad or indifferent
OK, I want to start by acknowledging that yesterday's phone call from Mr. Fabulous probably wasn't as funny as I thought it was when it happened. I thought about deleting the entry, but realized that if I second guess every entry after I post it, this blog will go nowhere. So, there you go. No do-overs.
On to today's thoughts. I've been thinking about peer pressure - usually thought to be bad, but is it always? I don't think so. My three year old daughter, the Cutest Thing in the whole world, in my (unbiased) opinion, LOVES dresses. To the point of throwing fits if she is forced by below-freezing temperatures to wear jeans. I believe this stems, at least in part from the fact that everyone says "Oh, what a cute dress" every time she wears one.
In the fit-throwing moments, I get frustrated and want to say “it doesn’t matter if your clothes are cute – they just need to be warm.” This whole caring what other people think was so foreign to me when I was young. In fact, I used to be proud of the fact that I didn’t care about what people thought. However, to be honest, it is probably truer to say that I didn’t notice what people thought. I lived in a little mental bubble of my own creation and took no notice of what was going on around me. As you would expect, I was a very odd child.
However, at some point in my life, I realized that caring – that noticing – what people think about you is the basis for the social skills that you need to be a functioning part of society. I still struggle with many of the social niceties that seem to come so naturally to others. I guess I’m grateful that Miss C.T. will probably not have the same difficulties “fitting in” that I had growing up. Of course, she will have different difficulties that I will have to try to help her to navigate. I imagine the use of the phrase "if all of your friends jumped off of a cliff . . ." is to be expected on several occasions in the future. But, in the meantime, I guess I’ll just keep a look-out for cute, warm, winter dresses.
On to today's thoughts. I've been thinking about peer pressure - usually thought to be bad, but is it always? I don't think so. My three year old daughter, the Cutest Thing in the whole world, in my (unbiased) opinion, LOVES dresses. To the point of throwing fits if she is forced by below-freezing temperatures to wear jeans. I believe this stems, at least in part from the fact that everyone says "Oh, what a cute dress" every time she wears one.
In the fit-throwing moments, I get frustrated and want to say “it doesn’t matter if your clothes are cute – they just need to be warm.” This whole caring what other people think was so foreign to me when I was young. In fact, I used to be proud of the fact that I didn’t care about what people thought. However, to be honest, it is probably truer to say that I didn’t notice what people thought. I lived in a little mental bubble of my own creation and took no notice of what was going on around me. As you would expect, I was a very odd child.
However, at some point in my life, I realized that caring – that noticing – what people think about you is the basis for the social skills that you need to be a functioning part of society. I still struggle with many of the social niceties that seem to come so naturally to others. I guess I’m grateful that Miss C.T. will probably not have the same difficulties “fitting in” that I had growing up. Of course, she will have different difficulties that I will have to try to help her to navigate. I imagine the use of the phrase "if all of your friends jumped off of a cliff . . ." is to be expected on several occasions in the future. But, in the meantime, I guess I’ll just keep a look-out for cute, warm, winter dresses.
Tuesday, November 6, 2007
True story
Scene: random government office.
[cell phone rings]
[Meg looks at caller ID - it's her beloved spouse, Mr. Fabulous]
Meg: Hello?
Mr. Fabulous: Sorry, wrong number!
Meg: Huh???
------
I understand he dialed my number by mistake - but it sure threw me for a loop for a second!
[cell phone rings]
[Meg looks at caller ID - it's her beloved spouse, Mr. Fabulous]
Meg: Hello?
Mr. Fabulous: Sorry, wrong number!
Meg: Huh???
------
I understand he dialed my number by mistake - but it sure threw me for a loop for a second!
Imperfection
I just got back from the doctor, who confirmed that I am experiencing the beginnings of hearing loss. Not enough to justify doing anything about it right now - but enough to explain my difficulties understanding people at restaurants and parties and enough to warrant a follow up exam next year.
I tell you, sometimes I feel like my body is just falling apart. I've worn glasses since I was 2, My feet and joints are becoming stiffer and stiffer each morning, and now this. Now I'm going to actually have to start taking care of my body, Grrr!
On the plus side, this seems like the perfect subject for the inaugural post on this blog - which will chronicle the minutiae of my day to day life with belly-gazing reflections on my imperfect life to date and contemplation (and celebration) of where to go from here.
So, welcome!
Meg
I tell you, sometimes I feel like my body is just falling apart. I've worn glasses since I was 2, My feet and joints are becoming stiffer and stiffer each morning, and now this. Now I'm going to actually have to start taking care of my body, Grrr!
On the plus side, this seems like the perfect subject for the inaugural post on this blog - which will chronicle the minutiae of my day to day life with belly-gazing reflections on my imperfect life to date and contemplation (and celebration) of where to go from here.
So, welcome!
Meg
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)