The miracle of a sleeping baby

You know, there are so many things that I thought I knew before but that I really didn’t understand at a deep core level until I became a parent.  One of these things was the miracle of instantaneous family that comes with a new baby.  When I was young and single, I had a friend, C, who had a new baby.  One of the things that C told me was that she was just amazed by the fact that her baby was this whole new person that didn’t exist a year before and that when she took her baby home to meet her family, there was no question but that the baby would be accepted and loved.  Unlike a boyfriend or a new husband that you bring home to be inspected and approved, a baby was instantaneously and irrevocably part of the family without question.  At the time, I thought to myself “duh, of course.  That’s just the way it works – not really amazing, it just is.” 

And then my nephew A was born, and I thought “aha! Now I know what C was talking about.”  There was this whole new person I knew nothing about – I didn’t know his personality, his likes or dislikes, or anything about him as a person.  I just knew he was my nephew, and that was enough for me to love him.  Fast forward several years to when we brought the Cutest Thing home from China, and then I really understood.  Here was a child, born half way around the world in a place I didn’t know to people I didn’t know who had been loved and cared for by other people I didn’t know.  One day, all we knew about her was contained in a few sheets of paper and a couple of pictures - and the next day she was family.  I had done my share of reading about attachment, and I knew that it would take time – both for her to attach to us, and for us to attach to her.  And it did.  But what I didn’t expect was the seismic shift in my own heart just because of the simple act of signing a piece of paper and agreeing to be her mother.  We didn’t know her yet, we weren’t attached to her yet, and she certainly wasn’t attached to us yet – but we were family.  And that was enough.

Another thing I didn’t really get before was the joy of watching a child sleep.  The C.T. has been getting up in the middle of the night and coming into our bed with great regularity recently, which has created some sleep issues for me – but also some great opportunities to just sit and watch her sleep.  I could do it for hours.  Well – maybe not hours, but a long time, certainly.  And then this morning, as I watched her sleep, she started giggling in her sleep.  It was one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever seen.  I wish I could know what she was thinking, what she was dreaming about.  But of course, I can’t.  And I was just struck with awe once more that we were entrusted with this wonderful, amazing, innocent child and that we are responsible for caring for her and protecting her and giving her the knowledge and skills that she will need as an adult.  I worry about the mistakes I have made and that I know I will make in the future.  But we are none of us perfect.  All I can do is read, think, pray, and do my best to give her what she needs and deserves.  Because we are family.  And I hope it is enough.

Week 2 of the Christmas extravaganza.

Ok, maybe I need to take a day or two off (even though I can’t really afford to use the vacation time) in December this year.  I honestly have no idea when I’m going to finish the Christmas shopping and if weekends continue at this pace I’ll be completely gone by January.  However exhausting, the weekend was still fun.

I started off Saturday morning with the three hour pre-performance choir rehearsal for the Gloria – great fun, and SOOOOOO much better than the Wednesday night rehearsal.  I actually began to have hope that we wouldn’t completely embarrass ourselves on Sunday. Mr. Fabulous took the Cutest Thing to Chinese School in the morning, followed by a visit to his office and lunch with his partner and her family.  They got home just in time for me to bundle the C.T. in the car for a quick car nap on the way to go to see Disney’s Princesses on Ice.  Oh, my word.  I’ve never seen so many little princesses in training in one place in my life.  It was amazing.  The C.T. adored it.

While we were there, I learned a very valuable lesson about consumerism.  I planned to buy the C.T. a little gadget or trinket, assuming that she’d be completely gaga over all of the princess paraphernalia for sale at the arena.  And you know what – she wasn’t!  She was delighted to be wearing her princess dress, overjoyed to see her friends and watch the ice skating – but all she really wanted to buy was a snack.  And the surprising thing was that I was a little disappointed that she didn’t want a new gizmo.  I think I tried too hard to not do what my brother did when we took my niece and nephew to the circus a couple of years ago.  There was a particular toy my niece wanted that my brother refused to buy her.  He chose to buy a different toy that would last longer, even though it wasn’t what she wanted.  I remember my niece's disappointment, and I remember thinking that I would let my children choose the souvenirs that we would buy (as long as they were within the price range I had set for myself) because choosing which cheap plastic toy you want to take home is part of the fun of going to a big event.  So, during the break, I was all ready to go out and wander the concessions stands in search of the perfect toy that would bring sparkles to her eyes - even though she was already pleased as punch with the whole event and even though all she wanted to do was sit and watch the zamboni driver.  Fortunately, common sense kicked in, and I realized that there was absolutely no point to buying something just for the sake of buying it.  So we sat and watched the zamboni and had a fabulous time.

The rest of the weekend was filled with snow, another party, two performances of the Gloria (which went pretty darn well), sledding in the open space behind our house, hot chocolate, and a failed attempt to put up the Christmas tree after having lost the directions last year.  A thoroughly satisfying December weekend.  Can I go to sleep now?

Hooray!

Is it wrong that I am doing a little happy dance today because the Cutest Thing chose to bring a book to daycare for show and tell today rather than the Cinderella doll she got at the Christmas party last weekend? Yeah for books!

Holiday happenings

If this last weekend is what the rest of December is going to be like, all I can say is bring it on - I had FUN! 

We started off with the birthday dinner Friday night with the unexpected bonus guests of my aunt (who never tells me when she is going to be in town) and cousin.  This led to the unexpected bonus gift of a Le Crueset Dutch Oven - which I have long lusted after.  Score! 

Saturday started with Chinese school for the Cutest Thing and an unexpected gift shopping opportunity for me.  Followed by the receipt of the latest Cooks Illustrated magazine featuring no fewer than four delicious sounding recipes requiring, you guessed it, a dutch oven.  (See the unexpected bonus gift described above).  Then we had some fun family Christmas decorating, followed by a Christmas party with my mom's group - a lovely group of women (and their husbands - but they don't come to half of the stuff we do) who all have daughters adopted from China - four of whom were in our travel group in 2005.  The crafty mom presented us all with her second annual DVD compilation of pictures from our various dinners / playdates / get togethers / events throughout the year.  It's so much fun to see the girls grow together - and I don't think there was a dry eye in the house.

And then on Sunday  we got to go to a professional basketball game with the CT's whole daycare class and their families, courtesy of the dad of one of the kids who is the manager or agent or something like that for one of the players.  We took up three rows, and the kids had the best time climbing over the seats to visit each other and eating junk food and cheering and dancing and waving the car flags we had gotten at the door.  At first, the CT was unsure about the whole thing - it was too loud and bright and overwhelming for her.  But after we sat in our seats for a few minutes and she got her bearings, she began to have fun.  I got to talk to some of the other parents, and realized that I had somehow missed out on the creation of a group email list.  Apparently they all get together every couple of weeks or so.   I gave them my email address to add to the list - but am a little ambivalent about it.  On the one hand - they all seem like really nice people and I know that the kids all like each other.  On the other hand, between work and church/choir and family and my mom's group and my book club, my schedule is pretty full.  Oh well - as they say, there is plenty of time to sleep when you are dead.  Right?